Sexual attraction is a tricky thing to explain, because everyone has their own personal preferences. However, there is one trait in men that has the power across the board to make any date weak in the knees: self-confidence. According to experts, men displaying confidence is the number one thing they can do that others find sexy.
Confidence can manifest in many ways, but at the root, psychotherapist Jason Fierstein, MA, LPC, says it's "men who are comfortable in their own skin and act accordingly" that are perceived as confident by others. Confidence is an undeniable turn-on for many—but why?
"Women find confidence in men sexy, and I believe it's because men who are confident are perceived as knowing what they want and going after it," Fierstein says. Being on a date with a man who seems unsure of himself and his interest in you produces a half-baked attraction. If you're out on a date with a man who is confident in himself—and knows what he wants both out of life and from you—you are more likely to want to get on board.
A study published in June 2020 by the Journal of Personality found that perceived social confidence can significantly influence the outcomes of social interactions, including dates. The men in the study who were naturally confident, or trained via video tutorial on how to be confident, were perceived by their conversation partners to be "more romantically desirable and worthy of further contact."
In the study, confidence beat out status and dominance, and was the only attribute that was associated with romantic desire and an interest in taking the relationship further, proving that radiating confidence is the number one thing that makes men more desirable.
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Confidence is not only an appealing trait in men. A notable 2002 study published in the Journal of the International Association for Relationship Research found that men and women rated confidence as a highly attractive trait in a potential partner.
Sean Murphy, PhD, hypothesizes that the allure behind confidence is because it is one of the most easily discernible positive traits.
"A lot of the things we want in a partner are difficult to observe directly, especially on first meeting—this includes traits like competence, drive, social status, and kindness," Murphy writes. "We trust that people know themselves well, and assume that their confidence (or lack thereof) reflects their actual value as a partner." And to know when you've met the one, discover The No. 1 Sign You're in Love, According to Experts.
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